I Fought The Judge, And The Judge Won
by Smackalicious
Summary: McGee and Ziva are sent to track down a suspect, who just so happens to be a rude TV judge. Oneshot. No pairings.


**Title: I Fought The Judge, And The Judge Won  
Pairing: None  
Rating: PG  
Genre: Gen  
Cat: Humor  
Spoilers: None.  
Warnings: None.  
Summary: McGee and Ziva are sent to track down a suspect, who just so happens to be a rude TV judge.  
Author's Note: (This was written ages ago, and I'm just getting around to posting it here now.) Written as a prize for ChannelD for correctly guessing my Hangman puzzle on NFA. She requested McGee & Ziva attending the taping of a TV show.**

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"I do not understand why we are at a television studio, McGee."

McGee showed his badge to the guard outside the building and Ziva did the same, though she was still giving McGee a demanding look. The guard nodded and opened the door for them, McGee saying, "Thank you," and motioning for Ziva to walk in ahead of them. As they entered the building, he said, "We're here because Judge Jenny is on our suspect list and she's filming today."

Ziva wrinkled her nose. "Judge Jenny?" she repeated.

McGee sighed. "Were you not listening to Tony's excited babbling earlier?" She stared at him and he retracted his statement. "Yeah, you're right. I wasn't paying attention, either. Well, Judge Jenny hosts one of those court shows where people come in to dispute civil cases; she didn't pay her rent, he backed into my car, stuff like that."

"Why would someone want to go on TV for that?" Ziva interrupted. "And more importantly, who would watch that? I cannot imagine it would be very entertaining. Unless that is not the point . . ."

"No, it's definitely meant for entertainment," McGee assured her, grinning. They reached a door that read, 'STUDIO C,' and McGee announced, "Here we are."

Ziva opened the door and they stepped inside, Ziva looking mildly surprised at seeing a full courtroom set-up, complete with a giant judicial seal on the wall behind the judge's bench. Various people were milling around, chatting excitedly among themselves, and Ziva and McGee took a seat near the back of the room.

Ziva leaned over to McGee as a middle aged woman in a black robe walked out and shared a few terse words with a cameraman, then fluttered out a side door again. McGee was grinning. "Why did Gibbs send us out here? Why not Tony? He is a fan, yes?"

He leaned back to her, wincing a bit as Judge Jenny emerged again and flicked her fingers in the same cameraman's face, then barked out a few orders. "Um, he didn't want us to create a scene."

Ziva snorted. "She is an actor, yes?"

"Well, no . . ."

Ziva narrowed her eyes. "She is an actual judge?" She pointed to the front of the room, where the woman in question was sitting behind the bench, barking out even more orders as a make-up artist powdered her face.

McGee frowned. "Yeah. She wouldn't be able to rule on cases if she weren't."

The cameraman interrupted their conversation. "Could everyone take their seats? We're about to start taping." He turned his attention to Judge Jenny. "Are you ready, Your Honor?"

"Let's do this already," she grumbled.

The cameraman nodded. "In 5, 4, 3, 2 . . ."

"All rise for the Honorable Judge Jennifer Conlin," a husky man in a bailiff's uniform announced.

Everyone stood, Ziva craning her neck to see past a particularly tall man in front of her. She muttered, "I do not suppose he is a real bailiff?"

"Shh, Ziva," McGee whispered.

"Oh, right," Ziva whispered back. "We must pay respect to the court."

McGee rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. He was going over questions to ask her once filming ended and they had a chance to talk to her. Even though she was a suspect in the death of their petty officer, he was excited about getting the chance to meet someone as famous as she was, and about getting to rub it in Tony's face. It didn't matter that he was a best-selling author; meeting famous people was still exciting!

"Well, Your Honor," a pimple-faced, skinny young man was saying, and if his back hadn't been facing the audience, they would have seen that there were rivers of sweat pouring down his face, "um, my car . . . I mean, the defendant, Ms. Jones over there . . ."

"Hey!" Judge Jenny interrupted. "Mop off your face and get your thoughts together before you come here wasting my time. Judgment goes to the defendant." She pounded the gavel down and the audience began chatting again.

Ziva frowned. "She did not even listen to the case!"

McGee was grinning. "That's half the fun, Ziva. These cases are so petty and ridiculous, it doesn't really matter what the ruling is. All you have to do is piss her off and you've lost."

She huffed. "That does not seem very impartial to me."

McGee rolled his eyes. "It's a TV show, Ziva. No one's expecting much."

Ziva crossed her arms over her chest. "I still do not see what is so entertaining about some cranky old woman being an unfair judge."

"Ziva, please be quiet," McGee said under his breath. "We can deal with that later." The last thing he wanted was for Ziva to get into a fight on national television with a syndicated TV host . . . well, actually, that would be pretty cool, but he didn't think Gibbs would see things quite the same way.

Thankfully, Ziva kept quiet, but remained looking surly. McGee attempted a comforting pat to her knee, but she glared at him, so he removed his hand. This was certainly going to be an interesting confrontation.

The next case involved a pair of dog owners, each of whom was accusing the other's pet of defecating in her front yard. Ziva had a look of incredulity on her face at the case's subject, McGee looked delighted, and Judge Jenny looked like she was either going to laugh or start hurling insults.

The dog owners began pleading their cases, as Ziva began mumbling again. "I will never understand the shallow minds of the American public . . ."

"Ziva!" McGee hissed. "You're going to get us in trouble!"

She turned fully towards him, her eyes blazing. "We are federal agents, McGee! We should not be wasting our time watching this . . . drivel being filmed!"

By this point, Judge Jenny seemed to have noticed the disruption, and called out, "Hey! You in the back!" McGee looked up with wide eyes. "Yeah, you, baby face! Tell your girlfriend to shut up!"

Ziva bristled and stood up, pulling out her badge. "We are federal agents, Your Honor. NCIS." She snapped her ID shut again, the look in her eyes daring the judge to retort.

Jenny snarled in response. "Never heard of it. Bailiff!" The husky black man came to attention, looking rather angry himself. "Have these hooligans removed from my courtroom!"

McGee grew flustered as he saw the rather large man descending upon them and called out, "Naval Criminal Investigative Service!"

Jenny barked out a laugh. "Do I look like I'm a sailor?" she growled, causing the rest of the audience to laugh, and the bailiff reached McGee and Ziva, motioning to the doors at the back of the room. As they shuffled out of the room, they heard Judge Jenny muttering, "Navy cops. And I thought dog crap was bad."

McGee paced back and forth outside the studio. Ziva noticed and said, "It is not that bad, McGee."

He stopped pacing, giving her an incredulous look. "Ziva, we got kicked out of Judge Jenny's classroom on national television. Gibbs is going to kill us!"

It was now Ziva's turn to roll her eyes. "You are being melodramatic, McGee. We will simply wait for them to finish their silly little show and apprehend her on her way to her dressing room."

McGee frowned. "Somehow I don't think that's going to work very well, Ziva." He paused. "You seem less . . . infuriated than you were in there."

She shrugged. "I do not have to be subjected to that . . ." she motioned with her hands, "uselessness anymore."

McGee stared at her as realization dawned on him. "Please don't tell me you were trying to get us kicked out." She didn't say anything, just attempted to look innocent, which she was somehow able to do quite well. "You did! Oh, just wait until I tell Gibbs . . ." He started to walk off, Ziva's voice calling out to him.

"What was I supposed to do?" she said. "_You_ did not want to leave . . ."

"Well, duh!" McGee said, turning and walking back to her. "We're here to question a suspect, not sit around!"

Ziva huffed. "I do not see why we had to watch the show being taped. It seems unnecessary." She gave him a pointed look.

He returned her stare, then sighed. "You're right." Ziva looked triumphant. "But that doesn't change what happened." He looked back towards the room, then at Ziva again. "We should probably go wait by her dressing room."

"Why?" Ziva asked jovially as they began to walk away. "Are you afraid we will be cast to a soap opera by standing here and arguing?" She let out a giggle at the thought.

McGee laughed as well. "Now _that_ would really make Tony jealous."

Ziva linked her arm through McGee's as they searched for Judge Jenny's dressing room. "Yes, just think of it this way – we made it on TV."

McGee grinned. "You're right. Gibbs is going to be pissed, but Tony's jealousy will more than make up for it."

Ziva laughed again, and thought about how confused Judge Jenny would be when she came out of her courtroom and saw them by her dressing room, looking as chipper as ever. Her face would fall and they would step up to her, questions ready, and say . . .

"Case dismissed."

**THE END!**


End file.
